Make me feel like a criminal

7.00am Saturday driving along Newbridge Road taking Jed to tee-ball... I get the quick burst of siren... look in my rear vision mirror and see the red and blue flashing lights. Now given, I'm not the brightest crayon in the box, I think I'll get out of his way so he can get to who he is upset with. So I move one lane left...so does he. Shit...he's after me. I pull over. He pulls up behind me... takes a good 5 mins for him to get out of his car and approach me.

Cop: Can I see your licence please madam.

Me: hands over licence

Cop: Checks my licence, wanders round the front of the car and checks my rego.

Me: shitting myself cause I still don't know why I've been pulled over.

Cop: Was there some emergency reason you needed to be on the phone?

Me: trying to work out what he is talking about... the penny finally drops... he thinks I was on the mobile. I didn't, I wasn't, I wouldn't, I don't.

Cop: Can you please explain to me why your hand was near your face.

Me: I am drinking a coffee.

Cop: Had anything to drink this morning?

Me: Just my coffee. No, I haven't.

Cop: Count to 10 shoving breatho in my face

Me: 1... 2... 3... 4... 5.... 6.... BEEEEEEEEP

Cop: Okay. No alcohol. The car you were travelling behind, you were too close to. Are you aware of the 2 second rule....explains 2 second rule. I see you have the youngster in the back. I suggest you drive carefully.

Me: Thank you Sir. Merry Christmas

The bastard didn't crack a smile at all... he was filthy he couldn't fine me for something!