Liar, liar pants on fire!

Yesterday morning after I got out of the shower I found Jed in the lounge room with the peanut butter sitting in the middle of the floor and his jumper covered in peanut butter.

Me: Have you been eating the peanut butter?

Jed: No!

Me: What’s that all over your jumper?

Jed: wiping at his jumper That’s just a little bit of dust!

Do we need a colourful bus?

Grace told me that our family will be starting a band. Michael will play the guitar (because he can), Grace and Jed will play the saxophone (even though they can’t) and I will play the triangle (couldn’t ask for more status than that).

I asked Grace if we need a big colourful bus and an agent called Rubin. She looked at me with a completely bemused expression… I guess she’s a little young for that!

He did what???

Last night I put both Grace and Jed in the bath and went out to the kitchen to do the dishes.

Bellowing from one room to another:

Grace: MMMMMUUUUUUUUUUUUM

Me: I’M BUSY

Pause

Grace: JED’S TOUCHING MY RUDE BITS!!!

My legs were but a blur on the sprint to the bathroom… apparently I wasn't so busy after all.

What drugs are these people smoking???

I received a call from Grace’s school at about 10.00am this morning…

“Shelley, we have Grace in the office. She has wet her pants and her uniform is also quite wet. We do have spare undies and uniforms. Would you like us to change her?”

I felt like saying… Nah, that won’t be necessary. Just let her smell like stale piss all day. I’m sure she’ll be fine. Of course I want her bleedin’ well changed! What the hell are they thinking?