Would that work with money?

We are McDonald’s people. Whenever a fast-food meal is required, due to convenience, Macca’s is the usual choice.

One evening we were on our way to visit some friends and stopped into a Hungry Jacks for a quick bite. Now Macca’s kids burgers (junior and cheese) do not have sesame seeds but Hungry Jack’s do. So before eating her burger, Bonnie picked every sesame seed off her bun. I didn’t think too much of it, just thought she wasn’t interested in eating the seeds.

Upon leaving the restaurant Bonnie wrapped all of her sesame seeds into a serviette and put them into her pocket. Naturally I enquired as to what she was going to do with the sesame seeds, to which she replied in a very matter-of-fact tone… “I’m going to plant them and grow burgers!”.

Can anyone lend me a dollar?

Clyde the Choralist?

Bonnie and I have been going to church every Sunday for quite some time but Clyde went to church today for the second time.

Bonnie always sits us right down the front of the church and this morning during the service Clyde decided to see what was going on behind him. He turned around to see a sea of faces staring in his direction and decided they needed to be entertained. Not the sort of boy to disappoint, he serenaded the congregation with the "Alphabet Song". The first couple of rows behind us gave him a round of applause... Clyde thought he was onto a good thing so continued on with "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star".

Kids, I tell ya... give 'em an inch, they'll take a mile.

Happy Birthday Napoleon!

Well, it was my husband's birthday yesterday. 38 years old... and he still looks as good as the day I met him when he was 24.

Don’t Try This At Home!!!

Home waxing kits should be made illegal. They are a cruel and unusual form of punishment.

We had arranged a bit of a barbie and swim for quite a few of our friends at our place. Food and drinks were all prepared, the lawn was mowed, the dog shit removed, the pool cleaned, everything seemed to be in order for a great day, then I realised I desperately needed a wax. It looked like I was giving birth to Guy Sebastian.

I had one working day before the barbie and during my lunch break went in search of a bikini wax. Now normally anybody will throw some hot wax on my groin and rip the hairs out by the roots for a couple of bucks, but for some reason on this particular day I could not get a wax for love nor money. I went home depressed and via the chemist for a home waxing kit. I opted for the pre-waxed strips (I’m way too clumsy to be attempting hot wax).

The next morning, the morning of the party, I carefully read the instructions and began by rubbing the pre-waxed strips between my hands to warm them up. I took off the backing and applied the strip to my groin going with the grain of the hair. So far, so good. I clenched my teeth and prepared myself… RIIIIIIIIIIPPPP…

Not ONE hair came out, but to my absolute delight my pubic hair was now matted with wax so I started pulling out the wax along with clumps of hair. I jumped into the shower and attempted to wash out the wax. I tried soap, no good. I tried shampoo, no good. I tried conditioner, no good, so I gave up on the washing, got out of the shower and proceeded to get dry. Much to my dismay, I was still sticky. I started searching around the bathroom for something that may get rid of the wax when I stumbled upon the nail polish remover. I put some on a cotton bud and carefully applied to the sticky area… apparently, not carefully enough. Nail polish remover got on my “bits” and let me tell you, it burned like an out of control bushfire (pardon the pun). Now, I probably wasn’t in the best frame of mind at this point and was desperate to ease the burning so I sat on the toilet and flushed, and flushed, and flushed. After a few flushes the pain started to subside. I grabbed the talcum powder, brushed it on the sticky area and went swimming in my boardshorts.

Dirty Knickers

Bonnie is toilet trained and we have not had an “accident” in over six months but she seems to have a problem wiping her bottom. I don’t know exactly what the problem is but she doesn’t seem to be getting the job done.

Are her arms too short?

Is she not committed to the task?

I don’t know! I have explained, on numerous occasions, the importance of making sure her bottom is clean… at least she seems to have taken that on board. The other day, after she’d made an attempt to wipe her bottom, I caught her bent over, looking through her legs into our large full size mirror checking on her handy work. She decided it was not to her satisfaction and returned to complete the job!

Out of the mouths of babes

One of my favourite things to say to my kids when they have lost something is... "well, if you cleaned up, maybe you'd find it."

One day Bonnie couldn't find her pyjamas in her bedroom, so as mother and "fixer of all things" I was dragged in there to locate the offending item. Her room was a pig sty, but as I could not be bothered with the yelling, screaming and crying (and that's just me), I looked at Bonnie and said "where could those pyjamas be?" Bonnie put her hands on her hips, looked me fair in the eye and replied "well, if YOU'D clean up MY mess, maybe you'd find them".

What can you say to that?

What's in there?

This is something that Bonnie did when she was 18 months old. I have to get it down in writing so I never forget it (although it would be very hard to forget).

Being the mother of young children has its daily trials, like showering, so I decided to take Bonnie into the shower with me so I knew she wasn't sticking knives in powerpoints or fighting the dog for his bone...

We both are in the shower and Bonnie's doing laps around me while I have a head full of shampoo and my eyes are clamped tightly shut. After about 10 laps she stopped behind me, I thought she must have been dizzy, but alas, I was wrong! She prised apart my cheeks and looked up my bum!!! Well, needless to say this gave me a shock so I jumped and turned all in one motion, eyes still clamped shut, and got my foot caught in the shower curtain. I fell. Hard. I smacked my head on the tiles and as I was losing consciousness I thought... How the hell am I going to explain this?

Welcome

I have a disease called CRAFT (Can't Remember A Fucking Thing) so decided to embark on this little project so I can look back on all the things I want to remember (or are too silly not to share) especially when it comes to my kids, commonly known as Bonnie & Clyde.

Bonnie is currently 4 1/2 and Clyde is 2 1/2. They grow so quickly and the little things they do on a daily basis become a blur so easily.