Welcome Home Mum & Dad

Well, yesterday my folks got back from their UK jaunt with the MacDonald Clan. I went to meet them at the airport and they didn't even recognise me (they've only been gone 6 weeks). After buying coffee and then taking Bonnie to the toilet, I managed to get about 5 mins with them before they had to bugger off (but the kids got pressies out of them first).

I missed you both... welcome home. Look forward to catching up on the weekend!!!

Sometimes you could kill 'em... then there's these times...

Yesterday before work, the kids were giving me such a hard time. Clyde kept getting himself wet and had to be changed 3 times before we finally got out of the house and Bonnie had written the whole alphabet on my bedroom wall (in chalk, thankfully).

Well, naturally (for me anyway), I went off my tits!!!

Tonight I came home and Bonnie presented me with this….

I love you
mum I care for you
I sorry mum I very
sorry for you mum
I me mum sorry for you
Sorry for breaking your heart.

Is there a queue to get out of Heaven?

About 12 months ago, we had to have our beautiful dog, Princess, put down due to bone cancer.

Last night…

Bonnie: Mum, will Princess come back from Heaven?
Me: No honey, Princess has to stay in Heaven.
Bonnie: But Jesus came back from Heaven.
Me: Yes honey, but Jesus is the Messiah, Princess was a Rottweiler!

If you needed a licence to be a parent….

I’d be driving my kids illegally! I’m such a bad mother, no one in their right mind would give me a parenting licence.

It started about 4 weeks ago (well, actually it started at their births, but anyway) I realised school holidays were in 2 weeks and attempted to book Bonnie into vacation care but was told it was already full. I therefore had to organise a private baby sitter, which cost me a fortune (I guess that’s what happens when you drive children without a licence… all insurance is null and void)… but at least my little girl wouldn’t be left at home with the dog!

Last night, I re-hemmed Bonnie’s pants, ironed her uniform and polished her shoes ready for her first day back at school today. This morning at 6.30am Napoleon telephoned me from work to tell me it is a pupil free day today. “Fuckin’ what????” I’d made no arrangements for Bonnie and had to start making phone calls before the sun had risen to find out if anyone could look after her for the day. Thankfully, the first person I managed to wake up and piss off this morning was in a position to be able to look after Bonnie for the day.

Is it a good move to piss off your baby sitter on the day she’s baby sitting? Will Bonnie go hungry? Be neglected? Or just beaten due to sleep deprivation? I guess I’ll find out this evening!

Our glass supplies are rapidly diminishing…

I guess that happens when you have small children. It took Napoleon and I many years of late night jam sandwiches to build up that collection of Looney Tunes, Simpsons, Blinky Bill and SpongeBob Squarepants jam jar glasses and the kids aren’t eating jam at the rate we require to replenish stocks.

Should I…

(a) Force feed the kids jam until we have enough glasses in the cupboard?

(b) Fork out and buy new glasses? or

(c) Drink directly out of the bottle (one of my endearing habits)?

I think I’ll go with (a) as (b) is just no fun for me at all, and (c), well I really don’t want to have to share the bottle with the whole family.

Happy jamming kids!

It’s all in the Jeans

Clyde has heard Bonnie recite her address on many occasions and I decided to find out if he knows it…

Me: Clyde, what’s your address?
Clyde: I don’t wear a dress. Bonnie wears a dress. I wear pants!

Who am I to argue with that?

...and I'm not even famous!

I work next door to Prime Minister John Howard's office.

With Peter Costello carrying on like my three year old… “he promised he’d share… he promised I could have a turn” there was a throng of media and photographers, etc waiting out the front of John Howard’s office this morning to find out if he was acting like my five year old… “no, its mine and I don’t want to give you a go”…

Just as I was walking past them, a car (I don't actually know who was in it) pulled up and the media made a bee-line for it. Well, I copped a camera to the temple and pretty much went down like a bag of shit. Thank God, security grabbed me and dragged me out of the way before I got trampled.

I managed to get myself injured and I was not even the focus of their attention. Is this how famous people feel each time they leave the house?

Happy Birthday Bonnie!!!

Well, my little girl is 5 today... she ain't so little any more. She’s put in her order of a scooter and a Minnie Mouse birthday cake… but she’s going to have to wait until tonight when the whole family is together. She’s not the most patient of children, so I’m sure today will be a long day!

Who are you talking to?

My most common nickname for Clyde is actually Boffin (I think it’s my subtle way of calling him Boofhead).

This morning Clyde hurt himself and, of course, as mother and fixer of all things I had to kiss it better. I kissed the injured area and said “you’re such a Boffin” to which he replied, “No. I not Boffin. I your son.”

What’s for Dinner?

Last night when I got home from work, Napoleon and Bonnie were both asleep. Clyde met me at the front door and after discussing his day, he said “my tummy’s grumbling”.

Napoleon hadn’t organised any dinner and I really couldn’t have been bothered with anything more than eggs on toast, so I asked the bottomless pit what he wanted for dinner. He went out to the kitchen and I heard him open and close the fridge, open and close a cupboard and then open and close another cupboard.

He returned and said… “how about… a bowl… with something in it?”

I think I can manage that!!!

Babies are sooooo difficult

I was telling Bonnie that I caught the train home with the mother of one of her friends, and that she was going to have a little baby, that Daniel was going to have a little brother or sister.

She snapped her head around so fast that she nearly gave herself whiplash and the following conversation ensued…

Bonnie: Well...I hope YOU’RE not going to have any more babies!
Me: Why don’t you want me to have any more babies?
Bonnie: I don’t want any more babies in this house!
Me: Why not?
Bonnie: Because baby sitting is hard work!
Me: How do you know baby sitting is hard work?
Bonnie: I’ve babysat Big B (1 year old cousin).
Me: …and why is Big B hard work?
Bonnie: Because he likes to lick things!

Happy Birthday Clyde!!!

My baby’s not a baby anymore. Clyde turned 3 today… it feels like just yesterday he was being removed like a big ol’ tumour!

Love you my handsome big boy!!!